It is a question on many parent’s minds, should they have a party for their child’s birthday? Many of our children have been isolated now for over 4 months. It seems that things are going to stay like this for some time to come. This blog looks at the potential effects social isolation might have on our children, the importance of routine, how celebrations can help and the current guidance on meeting people outside of your household as of 28 July 2020.

The potential effects of social isolation and the importance of routine

As most of us are now aware children are less likely to be susceptible to Covid-19 and most of those that do have minimal effects. However, they are more likely to be hit the hardest by the psychosocial impact of the pandemic. This burden may well be greater than the physical aspects of the virus. Schools are closed, clubs are closed, and a lack of outdoor activity and exercise are likely. This will all have long lasting effects on our children. As parents we have been left without the support networks that we have had previously and many of us are juggling supporting our children’s health and well-being when our own is slowly depleting. I mean crikey, some days I do not even know what day it is and find answering a simple question such as if I want a tea or a coffee difficult to answer. This has meant that many parents, me included, have not been as consistent with daily routine. Our children are eating more snacks than they would have when they are at school and less likely to run off the extra calories. Their bedtimes have slowly nudged that little bit later. In our house 8pm used to be the norm for my 8-year-old, this is now 9pm. The reality is that Covid-19 has disrupted our children’s usual routine and lifestyle, which, in turn can potentially promote anxious behaviours and show in a variety of neuro-psychiatric manifestations. Celebrated Austrian educator and psychiatrist Rudolf Dreikers asserts ‘Routine is to a child is what walls are to a house; it gives boundaries and dimensions to his life. No child feels comfortable in a situation in which he doesn’t know exactly what to expect. Routine gives a feeling of security. An established routine also provides a sense of order from which freedom grows.’

Often children make sense of their thoughts and feelings through play and social interactions but with the onset of Covid-19 these outlets have been removed leaving our children even more confused and without some tools that they would ordinarily make sense of such situations. Research is showing that social and/or physical distancing has short- and long-term effects on children and many families rely on their extended family, teachers, child-carers, friends and the wider community to help raise happy, balanced children. Children without siblings or that do not get on with their siblings may well be more adversely affected. As James Coan Psychology Professor at University of Virginia points out ‘Adults are not the best playmates, they are boring, they are impatient and have other things to do.’ You’re not wrong there James!!

Play and other peer interactions help children develop their social skills, understanding and sense of morality. They learn what is right and wrong. Jay Belsky, the Robert M. and Natalie Reid Dorn Professor of Human Development at the University of California Davis points out that some children will be more susceptible than others and that social support can reduce some of the risks. School, sports, play-dates and other social activities are important social platforms for learning. Online is good but doesn’t compensate for learning how to communicate in person. Meeting in person is key to building relationships.

How celebrating your child’s birthday can help?

This brings me to thinking about celebrating and how celebrating our child’s birthday can help bring back some routine, structure and predictability in a currently unpredictable world. Humans have celebrated and performed rituals for as long as we can remember to acknowledge the passage of time and life events or changes in life. The oldest recorded evidence that such traditions were followed was found in a 2006 discovery with artifacts from Botswana dating back 70,000 years! To regularly celebrate events appears to part of what makes us human.

Regular annual celebrations provide children with a playbook for life. Adults can explain traditions, religions and historic events that have contributed towards the world’s development that are important to their family. Children’s participation in events can help reassure them of the wider family, friends and community surrounding them. Including our children in these events acknowledges them as an important part of our families. They give adults who love them an opportunity to show how much they care about them.

Celebrations make memories and doing them year on year makes them an important building block of an individual’s identity. If you usually celebrate your child’s birthday with a party, then try and do it this year too. It isn’t as straight forward as usual due to the fact that you will need to follow government guidelines, however, it will help your child spend time with other children, allowing them to play and communicate.

It is our responsibility to help our children spend time with others in a safe way ideally with peers of their own age. From experience of having a child of 8 and another 17, my youngest has not had another child his own age to play with throughout the lockdown. We recently visited my best friend and it was amazing to see him play properly again. It was very loud… but I have to admit I loved it and so did he.

Oscar and the boys playing on the stepping stones.

In a later blog I will be looking at some novel and easy to apply ways to help keep your children safe and aware of socially distancing rules when playing with other children. As we all know, this is easier said than done. For now, enjoy seeing your children socialise again with their friends. It becomes obvious how much they have missed it.

Current Government Guidelines:

Here is the advice relevant to planning a celebration for your child according to current guidelines from the English Government. For Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland this may be different.

Please note: it is important to check if you have any local lockdown restrictions where you live and follow the local lockdown guidance www.gov.uk/coronavirus.

General:

· It is against the law for gatherings of more than 30 people to take place in private homes

· Social distancing should be adhered to with anybody not from the same household

· Ideally do not share toilets/bathrooms, take wipes where possible

· Take your own food and drink, do not share with others

· Wipe shared equipment with household cleaner between uses

· You are strongly encouraged to wear a face covering in enclosed spaces where social distancing may be difficult, and you come into contact with people you would normally meet.

· You can meet with your bubble if you are a vulnerable adult or single-parent and be classed as one household.

Indoors:

· No more than two households should meet up to 30 people

· Individuals can pass through to an outdoor space so long as they don’t touch anything

Outdoors:

· Two households up to 30 people

· 6 individuals from different households so a maximum of 6 people

· Informal organised team sport up to 30 people – clear governing body guidance should be in place.

Further Reading

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/341214452_Impact_of_COVID-19_on_children_Special_focus_on_psychosocial_aspect

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hope-resilience/202005/covid-19-mental-health-effects-children-and-adolescents

https://www.news-medical.net/news/20200727/Researchers-track-the-wellbeing-of-British-population-before-and-during-COVID-19-pandemic.aspx